Before answering this question directly, I want to describe how you got to this point and where it is leading to. Lust is the expression of the evil side of the flesh. It is an element of the fallen nature we all inherited from Adam. It has many forms: some lust for sex, others for booze, others for prestige, others for fame, others for people’s admiration, etc. But even though we all have this nature within us, some find it to be a much more of a problem than others. Why?
Lust is a terrible monster. However, even the worst monsters appear cute and harmless when they are babies. If you smoke a cigarette just once, it is still easy to take it or leave it. The urge to have another is still tiny and easily managed. But each time you have another, you are feeding that monster and it is growing stronger and soon it is stronger than you are.
Being enslaved by the lust for a smoke or for over eating is bad enough but it mainly affects yourself. Being enslaved by alcohol is worse; it can destroy both yourself and your family. Being enslaved by sexual lust is even worse. What began as juvenile curiosity grows each time you indulge it; each look feeds the little monster and it grows a little bigger and stronger. As it grows, so does its appetite. Lust is never satisfied; it always wants what is forbidden. Thus it drives those enslaved by it until they themselves become monsters. For now, that monster is satisfied with viewing a certain level of pornography, but sooner or later it will demand more. It will not be satisfied with viewing images, it will demand the acting out of those fantasies with other people. Eventually, the monster is not satisfied with doing perverted things with other adults, it demands what is still forbidden—doing them with children. The end result is a sexual pervert who ruins the lives of others in addition to his own. Then in jail, everyone hates the perverts because they hate the idea of someone doing those things to their own children. I described the whole process so that you would be warned; don’t start. If you have started, if you are already being swept along by lust, you need to break this addiction no matter how hard it is.
You may think that it is too much to say that looking at pictures of nude women or practicing masturbation will lead to becoming a sexual pervert. However, I would point out to you that it is common to see on the news that a respected leader of the community is found out to possess or even make pornography involving children. They did not begin to do that all of a sudden; they began with so-called “soft porn”, things that were not so extreme but fed the little monster of lust within. Because they did it in secret, no one knew, but the monster was growing. Eventually, the only things that would satisfy the monster (temporarily) were things that society still regards as criminal—pornography involving children which leads to actual abusing of children. The pervert ruins not only his own life but the lives of others also, especially the children who were exploited to produce those images or whom he personally abused. If you are only part way along this road, you may think that you would never go that far. However, no one becomes a pervert all at once; it is one little step at a time. In today’s world, the next step is only a few mouse clicks away. The more often you indulge the flesh, the stronger the temptation becomes to take the next step.
Satan’s lie is that “Stolen water is sweet, And bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” These are the words of a prostitute (Prov. 9:17). Actually, in natural, human relationships, nothing is as sweet and pleasant as a healthy, loving relationship in marriage and its expression in physical intimacy. Both God and man honor that. But indulging the flesh leads to the depths of the Pit (v. 18).
The Bible says that he who sows to the flesh will of the flesh reap corruption (Gal. 6:7-8). This is the process of how it happens. Don’t think this cannot happen to you. No man is born a pervert but any man who keeps feeding the monster within will become one. On the other hand, if you avoid feeding the little monster, it will remain small and manageable. If it is too late for that, the only escape is to starve the monster. The longer it is starved, the weaker it will become. Even so, it will never die as long as you are in this mortal body; feeding it even once will revive it in all its ugly strength. Realizing this should make us afraid, very afraid, of anything that feeds the flesh.
Feeding or starving the flesh is actually no different than taking care of our spirit. If we continually feed our spirit, it will grow stronger gradually conforming our whole being to the image of Christ. If we continually feed our flesh, that is what will become stronger. We should never think that the little things we do each day do not matter much. If we feed our spirit day after day with things of God, we will eventually bear His image. It is not a matter of trying; that doesn’t work. But taking in His Word, calling on His name, meeting with the saints, speaking of the Lord to others—all these, if done in spirit, will conform us to the image of Christ. On the other hand, pornography, evil video games, movies full of violence and lust, music that stirs up the flesh, fashion magazines, gossip, and things like these will eventually conform us to Satan’s image. Whose image do you want to bear? If we do neither, neglecting our spirit and trying to control our flesh by our own power, then we are feeding our self. We may not become a pervert but we will be far off from God and His purpose. If we are somewhat successful in self improvement, we will become self righteous and proud, despising those who cannot live up to our standard. This is Satan’s image in another form. We may not be the kind of person described in the last half of Romans chapter 1, but we will become a self righteous hypocrite as described in chapter 2—equally condemned by both God and man. I would ask again, whose image do you want to bear? We need God’s light to see how hateful the flesh is so that we can deeply repent of those of its works that still remain in our lives.
Ephesians 4:22 says, “that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts”. Our old man, our fallen self, grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts. Lusts corrupt our person. We may have been born into a good family and have a promising future, but if we secretly indulge lusts of the flesh, they will gradually corrupt our whole person.
So what can we do if we are already being defeated by a little monster within? The first thing is to not only repent and confess the sin, but also to be deathly afraid of the flesh. It really is a matter of life or death. Second, there usually is some trigger that awakens the monster. We need to also avoid that trigger or situations where we have opportunity to indulge the flesh. For example, one brother had looked at pornography online to the point where he could not sit down at his computer without being tempted. He still needed to use his computer; getting rid of it entirely was not an option. So he moved it to an open place in the house and made his wife the administrator. She set and was the only one who knew the password. He could not use the computer unless she was there to let him. Thus, he no longer put himself in the situation where his flesh would rise up to defeat him. Don’t think that you are strong enough to defeat the monster; don’t even wait until you are face to face with it to try to flee. Like this brother who asked his wife to help him, avoid the whole territory where the monster hangs out. Of course, the third aspect of overcoming the flesh is feeding our spirit, diving into the church life, and developing the gifts the Lord has given us to gain a profit for Him. Your vessel cannot remain empty. Are you going to fill it with garbage (monster food), vanities of this world, or eternal treasures? The choice is yours.
Of course, sexual lust is not the only expression of the flesh. Galatians 5:19-21 lists more examples: “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Any of these types of things can make a person into a monster. For example, many evil things have been done to others by those who have been overtaken by jealousy. If we allow any of these things to grow in us, we will “not inherit the kingdom of God.” This means that we will miss the reward of reigning with Christ in His 1,000 year kingdom on earth. The believers who are overcome by the flesh will have a 1,000 years to repent of their living and gain what they could have gained in their lifetime. After the 1,000 years are completed, the Lord will bring in the new heaven and new earth where there will be no more sorrow (Rev. 21:4). All the believers will be there enjoying the Lord for eternity.
Romans 13:11-14 says, “And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” The Lord’s return is very near. If we are not concerned about gaining His approval when we stand before Him at His judgement seat, this means that we are sleeping. It is time to wake up! It is time to cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light!
One of the very first things to do in terms of dealing with the flesh is to “make no provision for the flesh to fulfill its lusts.” This means that we should avoid the things and situations that would stir up our lusts. Don’t give your flesh opportunity to get stirred up. This is serious. Don’t make excuses. Deal with it as if it is already as serious as what it leads to. Do whatever it takes to deprive the flesh of any opportunity to fulfill its lust. Indulging lust is like scratching an itch that itches more every time you scratch it; it is never satisfied.
Second Timothy 2:22 says, “Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” Don’t think that you can control your flesh once it is stirred up. Rather, flee away from anything that stirs it up. But don’t just focus on the negative things, pursue the things of the Lord. The way of victory involves both fleeing and pursuing. As I said before, our person, our vessel, cannot remain empty. If we do not fill ourselves with the Lord and His interests, Satan will certainly take the opportunity to stir up our flesh to fill our person with something that it desires.
Also, the way of victory is not an individual pursuit. It must be “with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” If we are being defeated, Satan would make us feel unworthy to come to the meetings. This is his tactic to keep us from gaining the encouragement and supply to overcome. The times when we are struggling are the times when we most need the support of the other saints. Of course, we should not be hypocritical, but to confess our failures to the Lord, repent before Him, and then come to the meeting to open our heart to Him afresh is not hypocrisy. It is a necessary aspect of pursuing the Lord. If we ourselves are still being defeated by a certain sin, it may help to make ourselves responsible to someone who we can trust and who will genuinely care for us. This could be our wife if she already knows or suspects that we have this kind of struggle or it could be another brother. Of course, we would feel shameful to confess our failures to someone else but asking for help is better than remaining defeated. We could make a promise to them to tell them each week of any time we slipped back into our old weakness. The fact that within a few days we will need to make a report to someone else including the shame of any defeat may be enough to keep us from falling. A medical doctor I know used this method to help his patients who wanted to lose weight. They had to come to step on the scale in his office each week. If coming back to see him was two weeks away, they would relax and not control their eating the first week and never make progress. The weekly report helped to keep them from slipping back.
First Corinthians 6:9-10 says, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.” Notice that along with the gross outward and defiling sins, this passage includes those who are covetous. Perhaps in reading this, you feel that it does not apply to you; you have not done any of those evil outward things. But how about the matter of being greedy, wanting the best for yourself instead of for others? We all have a fallen flesh. We all need to repent.
Another of Satan’s lies is that we are hopeless, that we can never change. Praise the Lord for verse 11: “And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.” Even though we may have been ensnared by the flesh, we can confess, repent, turn and be washed, sanctified and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and in the Spirit of our God; in other words, by calling on the Lord and turning to the spirit. We have a way of escape! We can still gain the kingdom reward. Praise the Lord!
Still, we need to realize that our flesh will never change; that part of our being is always full of lust. As long as we are in this body, we are in danger of falling again no matter how long we have been victorious. Even if you have only gone to a certain extent and no further, it still bothers your conscience and interferes with your relationship with the Lord. The flesh is always waiting for an opportunity to fulfill its lusts. This fact should drive us to the Lord for His salvation and to the church life for the supply of the body.
One more thing: don’t think that only you have struggled with the lusts of the flesh. Many others who love the Lord have still had a very difficult time to break through in this matter. There is help available if you are willing to ask for it. Of course it is shameful to be enslaved by lust and the natural reaction is to hide it. However, there is good Christian help available; it is much better to ask for it than to continue to be enslaved.